Absent friends
This topic might not seem like an obvious topic for a wedding photographer; however, I have experienced my own share of loss. I also worked for the Prince and Princess of Wales hospice for a short time and volunteered for them for a number of years. Making memories, remembering our loved ones and experiencing grief are all incredibly important. Incorporating these into a wedding can feel like a minefield so here are just a few ideas of how you might like to do this.
Reserved seats
Often marked with a framed notice or cushion, this can be used to acknowledge the absence of any number of absent guests, or it could be personalised for just one. Most couples choose to place these in the front row of seats or on a separate chair. A more subtle solution might be a single flower or even a jacket. If you do opt for any of these options, make sure you let the reception and ceremony staff know so they can ensure they don’t get moved.
Memory candles
A variety of options are available incorporating personal touches such as poems, names and photographs. Lightning them during the ceremony is a lovely touch and if it’s safe to do so they are often placed on the top table or with the cake for the rest of the day.
Break with tradition
Assigning key roles can be really hard in this situation, some people may also feel that another person can or cannot take their place.
In this scenario you might prefer to break with tradition, take your dad dress shopping, walk down the aisle alone, have your grandad as your best man. In this scenario a lot of couples avoid having the traditional group shots, ‘brides’ parents’, ‘grooms’ family’ etc. You might prefer to just have one very large group shot which includes all of your guests or only candid and informal groups.
Order of service
Your choice of celebrant and ceremony can really help with the challenges of a traditional wedding which you may prefer to avoid. Choose a celebrant who is able to help navigate these and offer a ceremony which feels right for you. I’ve photographed traditional church services, humanist ceremonies and registry offices that have all created something very touching and has been adapted to individual circumstances so don’t feel that you only have limited options.
Charity
At a lot of weddings, the couple chooses to remember a loved one through a charity that was meaningful or supportive to them and their family. There are some lovely options for charity wedding favours with a more personal meaning.
Jewellery and accessories
There are some beautiful pieces of jewellery which can incorporate ashes, photographs, and names of your loved ones. Another very popular alternative is to incorporate an item of jewellery or accessory into your own outfit. This might be a necklace or bracelet added to the waistline of your dress, a brooch incorporated into your bouquet or some stones from a pair of earrings added to your wedding ring. Speak to the bridal shop or your florist, thewy will be able to advise you on what will work best.
Flowers
A lot of brides choose to take their wedding flowers to the grave of a loved one, this can be tricky if they also want to throw their bouquet. A good solution is to ask your florist to make up a ‘throwing bouquet’ or to use your bridesmaids’ flowers. This can also help if you have more than one grave or if you also plan to preserve your bouquet.
Show your ink
A lot of my couples have a tattoo which relates to a loss, where possible I always try to compose photographs to include this rather than hide it. If you do have something significant, let your photographer know and we will make sure it’s included.
Heads up
If you do think any of your guests may find your plans difficult, it’s worth letting them in advance. It is very much your day but it can help people to prepare if they know what to expect.
Self care
Losing a loved one is incredibly hard and while time can help, weddings can be very upsetting regardless of how much time has passed.
Some couples choose to elope in this situation because they can’t contemplate a big wedding without someone special being present. Don’t feel bullied into doing something that doesn’t feel comfortable, this is your day.
If you would like some more information, the following sites might be helpful:
https://shop.cancerresearchuk.org/charity-wedding-favours
https://www.rehab4addiction.co.uk
